Faith

The world can seem such a beautiful place sometimes, and other times it can be cruel, harsh and dark. Fantasies can run wild, and dreams can be dashed with one word. People can be so lovely, so kind, so selfless, where the others are rude and obnoxious, only caring about themselves. When two groups of people, each from a different upbringing and a different view of life, come together it could mean disaster, or complete happiness. In films, the directors play along with it, making everything seem hopeless until that selfish character is shown the error of their ways. They finally see the good in the world and everything turns into a ‘Happily Ever After’. Real life is far from that. It’s the people who are selfish that get everything in the world, they find everything they ever wanted and they manipulate people into seeing them in a different way. The people who live their lives with no lies, no secrets and no harsh words are the ones who have to fight for what they want. They have to struggle for the dreams they want to achieve, and all they can do is hold onto the belief that those bad people in their lives will one day get their comeuppance.

Unfortunately these people are gravely mistaken, and its moments like these, when the realisation sinks in that you are going to have to live your life hating these people and never watching them fall that really makes you lose your faith. I used to have a faith, I used to believe in a God, I used to Love. Despite the hard times, the bullying and the crying, I always thought there was someone up there watching, waiting for the right moment to bring something good to me. I don't have a hard life. A lot of the time I love my life, my friends and my family. But then there are times that make me want to break down and cry. There have been many times in the last four years where I have curled up in the middle of my bed, turned up the slow, sad songs and cried until my throat hurt. I suppose I still don't have that much of a faith, or at least I wouldn't call it faith, but something happened to me in between these tear wrenching moments of despair. It wasn't a bright white light, or the Angel Gabriel. I didn't experience a near death experience or join a brainwashing cult, but it was something that made me smile through my tears. My memories.

I focused on the bad things in life. I focused on the few people in my primary school that made me feel like I wasn't worth anything. I homed in on my reflection in the mirror, cursing the fact that all anyone ever saw when they looked at me was 'fat'. I hated the house I was living in, and the step family I had acquired. But then I thought to myself...the good things do outweigh the bad. Even the little things about me. I love the idea of me knowing more about Harry Potter and Twilight than any sane person should. I can sing, and whether people like to hear it or not, I have a nice voice. If you give me a song I have never heard of before, give me three days and I will know the tune, the words and the context it's in. I have a loving mother and a handful of special friends who will always be there for me. And I have style, which is more than a lot of people I know can say for themselves. It made me believe that there is always something good about you, no matter how bad things are. Faith may have nothing to do with it and I don't believe in waiting for something to happen. If you want something to happen, make it happen. Focus on the good, and drown out the bad ... trust me, it never fails!!